Reflections on Returning

I flew back to San Francisco on August 23, 2008. A two month journey. The deepest valley was the grief of losing Kulpna so suddenly. Stopped me cold. Couldn't do art research & thankfully, Bryan Ellorimo, my Cultural Guide & exquisite Kulintang player, turned to me in Gen San to tell me, "Maybe we should go to Davao, mam. Your heart is broken..." It was the best advice. I couldn't focus on gathering documentation on indigenous arts & cultural, while grieving for such a wonderful woman.

My exit from Mindanao was amidst the failure of the MOA between the Philippine National Government and the Moro Islamic Liberation Front. Once the Supreme Court pulled the MOA, fighting broke out. Land issues in Mindanao are deep and conflicts span generations, if not centuries. I am saddened that the peace process fell apart. I have friends on all sides: the Lumads (Indigenous Peoples-IP), Moros (Muslim Pilipinos) and the settlers (Pilipinos from other islands).

The parents of my niece's high school friend were shot in the head over land issues while I stayed in Davao. My T'boli friends grieve over loosing most of their land to the settlers: 70% T'boli population in Lake Sebu own only 20% of the land. I am told that Datus who stand up to the injustice are murdered. Another datu from a different tribe was indignant that IP ancestral domain was included in the PNG/MILF MOA, and anticipated the war days, maybe weeks before it began.

This was the context with which I traveled Mindanao. But juxtapose this against the time I spent with the Cultural Workers I visited in Lake Sebu and South Cotabato. Although my visit was short, the music shared with us was spectacular--very moving and heartffelt--the "love-laced" tribal chants of the T'boli women and the fast-paced agong contests of the Maguindanaon men, mostly members of Master Danongan Kalanduyan's family, were great highlights of my trip. Meeting a Maranao Princess was a delight I hadn't expected and Ate Bai Bing was such a caring, wonderful person, and a proud Bangsamoro.

Returning to Luzon, especially the Cordillera Mountains was especially healing for me. Reconnecting with friends and relatives in Manila, and especially in Baguio, helped me recalibrate my senses. I needed to breath the fresh air, let the mountain spirits cool me and see the Chico river flow below me, while the Kalingas of Lubuagen celebrated their 100th year of Provincial government. I was caught up with the excitement of a community celebrating the wealth of their tribal music, dance and culture. I am especially grateful to Ruel Bimuyag and the entire Bawer family, who facilitated with their familial warmth, my return to balance, to community belonging and to balance. I am grateful to the community members of the Mabilong Barangay, who welcomed me back with open arms, and with their compassion and generosity, helped me heal my ailing heart. It was in the mountains overlooking Lubuagen that my grief began to fall away. Those mountains bring me a peaceful heart and a clear mind.

And now I am happy to be home. My return visit to Lubuagen brought me full circle. Once I returned to Lubuagen, I was ready to return to the U.S. Can't explain it much, except that my own indigenization of myself is connected to the land & for me that land is the La Union/Cordi area...I am certain my ancestors walked those mountains at one time. I could feel it.

My homecoming a happy one--greeted by Amaya (my grandchild) & Sandino (my son) at the airport & Keenan, Cory & Aja at the house. A simple and quiet homecoming & of course my own bed!!! Then, all my kids, Shy, Alicia, Amaya & Aliyah Sky (my grandaughter) for Dario's (my son) 25th Birthday on August 24th. A perfect homecoming. It's good to be home. THANK YOU FAMILY!!!

Quick Report from Baguio

It's true. I am a horrible blogger.... Been here for almost 2 months and haven't really written much...but the experience has been life changing.

I have met so many wonderful people, visited the most amazing places, been brought down by grief and uplifted by the mountain spirits and the people who live in them...I just returned from two days in Lubuagen to witness the celebration of 100 years of government. The mountains & river & presence of the Mabilong community was healing for me. Going there brought my trip full circle as it was the first IP community to embrace me during this trip. I hold Lubuagen as a special place in my heart.

I will always remember the Kalingas of Lubuagen, the Ifugaos of Banaue & Happao, the Bontoc of Sagada, & the Benguet of Baguio... Deep in my soul I'll always walk with my fellow Pinoy artists of Mindanao, Panay & Luzon, all of us reaching back to our roots and using modern technology woven with ancient knowledge to make new creations of beauty.

Thanks for my text buddies-- it really helped to have a connection when I didn't feel connected. Big thanks to all my travel buddies, host families, fellow artists, healers, family members who made this trip my best homecoming ever. I appreciate and love you all.

Two Poems for Kalpna

Poem 1: For Kalpna



You are like a butterfly
coming to me through the
clouds, the sun
I see your face
your smile, bright eyes
full of amazement
I think of how you love
Ganesh
and how easily an EastAsian
like you
can make friends
with my own people


our days together
short, like a butterfly
flit into our lives--flying through Davao
with your sparkling spirit
refreshing, like the coolest water
flowing from Mt. Apo
from the mountain spring


even my heart hurts
to think of your pain
but I will always treasure my
moments with you
How you welcomed me
into the 2008 circle
and the beauty of
you, one butterfly on your leg
your smile
your warmth
the essence of you
always coming to me
from the
sky




Poem 2:

Five of us in search
Of a conversation
Spending time with Kublai
A Fulbright adventure to meet an artist
Share stories and even wine & cheese
A gift from the artist

Kalpna, Luanda, Aimee, Anthem and Holly
Americans & Kublai truly valued our conversations
Told Kalpna of his Indian friend, supporter
Of the arts
And also told her he wanted to travel to
Her homeland, India

What do you value?
He asked
Each one responding
After our conversations of BUDA
Parks, homes in the mountains
The search for the best waterfalls
Being saved from a bad TRIP in Palawan
Why wandering Mindanao was preferable
to showing work in the U.S.
and even UFOs


We laughed, shared, took pictures of Kublai’s
Latest series—which of course,
Won’t be completed until the 150th painting is done
And in this series of paintings
And in this series of conversations
I look back and also value the special time
We shared at the top of Ponce Suites
A moment with a great artist
And a moment with great friends
A moment to treasure forever

I value conversations
Says Kublai
Now thinking back
So do I now see the value of our conversations
This conversation at Ponce Suites etched in my memory
Another beautiful night shared with Kulpna & friends

Returning from Lake Sebu & Cotabato

It wasn't so much the failure of the Peace Agreements that burdened my travel in Mindanao, but the lack of health of my fellow American colleagues here in Davao, Mindanao. While waiting for my Cultural Guide's schedule to free up, I hung out with the 2008 Fulbright-Hays Scholars, dragging them to meet my artist friends & being dragged to lectures at Ateneo de Davao University...ok, I wasn't dragged... Luanda is a scholar, so of course, I had to hang out with her & share the experience.

During this time I befriended Kalpna, with roots in India, who joined Luanda in getting a cool tatoo from a Katribu artist, along with many other cool teachers that I won't name right now because they are all flying back to the states as I type.

One of the Fulbrighters, Cora, suffered a blood clot and was hospitalized & then later Miriam, the Co-Director of the program also was hospitalized from dehydration (&maybe exhaustion from caring for Cora @ the hospital-my diagnosis)... Two other teachers got the flu and rested at the Royal Mandaya Hotel & the remainder watched the ill women in shifts, with two per shift...this lasted for days. I assisted in small ways, mostly supporting the healthy ones...

It was in this way that I boarded a bus with my cultural host & kulintang player to check out the T'boli arts & that of the Maguindanaon people too. While on the bus I got word that one of the Fulbrighters- Kalpna - died in the morning. This call was from Luanda, who along with Aimee, spent the last moments with her. I was heart stricken, but on my way to Lake Sebu and Cotabato.

While on the road and visiting these places I was able to complete my studies, but I cut short my visit in order to return to Davao. The grief was overwhelming, with me bursting into tears at any little trigger. The death of Kalpna still lingers with me each day. Her memorial is on Saturday in the states. Most of the Fulbrighters will be in attendance at her memorial. There are two left here- one great guy getting his rest now in Palawan & the other across the street at Davao Doctors Hospital, thankfully, with her son at her side.

I am honored and blessed to know Kalpna Mistry. She was a bright star that burst past me and with a blaze changed my life. I am thankful for the members of the Katribu Collective, especially Tan Tan, Sheila,and Benjie, who came to my call to take care of Luanda and the others in their extreme grief over Kalpna's death. They brought my friends to the ocean each day to wash away the tears of sorrow and to perform ritual prayers of forgiveness and prayers for Kalpna. Benjie healed many with his acupuncture and brought stableness to this small group of educators. I am thankful to Kalpna, who during a prayer ritual for Cora's recovery, included me- a 2006 Fulbright Scholar- into the 2008 circle. I am blessed. Each moment sacred. I give thanks for this short time I have spent with her.

This trip was to learn about the art & culture of the P.I. I have learned much more about spirit. Thank you Kalpna.